Self sabotage is the main reason many of us don’t make the improvements we really want, however pain is a great motivator for change. Why would we look internally and actually make any differences if everything was perfect, to be honest we probably wouldn’t.

The Shadow drives our self destruction. If we accepted shame and fear as part of who we are, then we’d be able to ask for help more easily and stop self sabotaging. But because when we have these feelings, we think we’re different or bad, it makes us bury them deep and we just allow them to fester and grow into something awful.

I often describe not dealing with the situation or feeling a bit like putting a piece of fruit into a box. It will rot and break down and destroy not only itself but the box it’s been left in, leaving a great gaping great hole that needs filling with something. And let me tell you we very rarely fill it with anything positive.

We need to make sure that our shadow is not our driving force that we’re not behaving out of feelings of fear, guilt and shame, but from connection to our inner truth, learning to listen to the right voice, the relaxed stable and trusting one means we can find peace, and a knowing that things will be okay.

It really is sometimes like having two voices inside, one telling us that we’re enough and we are perfect as we are and the other asking us, who do we think we are to be doing x y and z. One tells us it’s okay and a positive thing to seek help around a situation or struggle, and the other mocks and shames us for admitting we have a challenge to face, and that if we talk about our fears and bad thoughts in public then we will be abandoned or judged.

Learning to accept yourself as a whole, both good and bad is the first step to finding peace. Knowing that our good parts are what we want to use as our guiding force but accepting the perceived bad parts can have their uses and help at key times.

Both light and dark live within us at all times and acknowledging our darkest part is like admitting that we aren’t normal that we can be different that we are damaged or broken and always sound negative. If we continue to push these thoughts down and hide them away in boxes, they’ll jump out in at inopportune times and lead us down a path of self-sabotage that no good will come from.

Debbie Ford talks about how any quality, good or bad, we can see in others is something that we have within us. Many may be lying dormant within us, but they are able to show up at any time if left unchecked.

The brilliant thing about this realisation is that when we see someone who we think is amazing and brilliant, it means that we also have those qualities within us. Whatever you want to be in life, whoever it is you see, admire and wish you could be more like them this is all possible, it’s within you. The challenge is creating a solid foundation to be able to discover the inner parts of you, and use them to their best advantages.

If this is something that resonates with you check out my new group program Fearless Freedom. The whole basis of the 90-day program is about creating a balanced base to start to discover who you are, accept all the parts and have the confidence to fully trust your inner knowing.

Email or message me if you want to find out more: ellie@elliebellcoaching.com

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